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Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

When I started sketching out this blog post in my head, I thought I hadn't blogged for two months.

Then I checked.

The last blog post I published was a book review on the 26th of January.

As far as I can work out, that was the first day I had a debilitating migraine. I've never had them before, and it was quite scary. That was the first step back. I ended up taking a month off work (which, for someone who loves their job, is really hard), doing all sorts of tests including an MRI, and spending significant amounts of time doing n.o.t.h.i.n.g. a.t. a.l.l. Or, rather, what felt like nothing. I was forced to slow down. Which I really struggled with, despite being quite a laid back person. What started as an oddity - ooh, new kind of headache - soon became a sobering normality. I'm now (End of April) on a phased return to work, a month or so into some new medication (propranolol, if anyone's interested, which is preventative and you should ask for if you suffer from chronic/regular migraines), and gradually trying out doing things again. Like playing football, which I did last Monday and wiped me out.

Or running.

Or blogging.

The expression 'two steps forward, one step back' is so often intended to be a comfort. For me, having a week of migraines and then a few days off, the image was not comforting. It was a looming threat. That for a positive step forward, or two, there'd be a step back.

Obviously, life has it's ups and downs. Amidst the pain of these migraines, and some really 'fun' mental health (depression and anxiety, if anyone's interested, for which I take antidepressants and see a therapist) stuff, we discovered that my wife is pregnant. Our daughter learnt to walk and loves nursery. We sung and took communion with our small group, for the first time in over a year. Steps forward. But always the lingering threat of steps back.

Watching my daughter learning to walk whilst quite often being bed bound has been a fascinating experience. W

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Topics: one step back, two steps forward

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